It’s a monster, my very own monster. It needs to be fed at all times, it acts based on an insatiable hunger. It’s loud, it’s impatient, it doesn’t let me sleep at night.
It thrives on compliments, on attention; it shatters itself once it faces rejection. It’s all over the place now, and I can’t seem to control the monster anymore.
“The heart wants what the heart wants”, people say. Scratch that. The ego wants what the ego wants.
I try to feed it with positive thinking, but new age philosophies don’t do the trick.
The monster wants to come out and play…
It craves attention. It craves revenge. It craves to hurt you oh so much, because you’re the one who shattered it in the first place.
So it screams, and it makes me anxious, and it makes me weep. It makes me doubt myself, it makes me feel guilty for not being able to captivate you. I mean, was it my fault..? Was I too available, did I love too much, did I show too much..? Was I supposed to reject you? Was I supposed to ignore you? Would that have worked?
How sick and masochistic are we, to feel the need to love what was never ours in the first place..?